2005-05-08 - 9:47 a.m.
Mothers Day,
Well happy Mothers Day to all you moms out there. I hope you live in an environment where you are truly loved and appreciated. It has been 13 years since my mom passed away, she had a stroke, I was with her to witness the pain she went through. It was by far the toughest thing I have ever been through in my entire life. I never talk about it. I never write about it. I do my best to forget that dark dark day in my life. She was in so much pain, and I was so helpless. I could only call 911 and try to help her. That day changed my life forever.
Now I am not really sure why I am writing this except for the fact that over the last few years it has gotten easier to deal with. But for some reason this year it feels like I have regressed in that aria I am very sad today for some reason. You see I don’t think you ever get over a loss like that; it’s a shadow that follows you around for the rest of your life. It has gotten so much easier over the last few years though. None the less this year seems hard. Its like the tears are right there but I just can’t cry…
I have a feeling I know where it’s coming from but whatever it is what it is.
If you are reading this I don’t want to bum anyone out, I just want to get this out of my system so I can get on with my day, I have a lot to do. And since I never talk about it I thought maybe this would help. Fuck it might make it worse who knows.
My wonderful fiancé is moving in with me at the end of the month. This will make my life so much easier, because I won’t be driving to L.A. every weekend.
I am thinking about leaving the band that I am in up there also, my heart just isn’t in it.
I just want to focus on work. I am wanting very bad to record something new. I have no desire to play out live. I am however just chomping at the bit to record. So we will see what happens.
Anyway that’s that from here.
Me.
